


So much sap up in here

by Ame



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, MSPARP, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-20 23:44:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2447441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ame/pseuds/Ame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief video call starts a conversation that clumsily moves mountains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So much sap up in here

**Author's Note:**

> I'm cleaning out my folders because this computer is about to be replaced and I found older pesterlogs I've been hoarding from my msparp days. This one makes me laugh a lot so I feel like it needs to be preserved.  
> Also I couldn't figure out how to format the colors, so I'll have to come back to it sometime.

turntechGodhead [TG] joined chat.

ectoBiologist [EB] joined chat.

TG: hey

EB: hi dave!

EB: do you want to see a magic trick?

EB: i've been practicing lots!

TG: sure what is it

TG: cant be any worse than your other ones

EB: a magician never tells someone the secrets to his tricks, dave.

EB: don't be ridiculous.

EB: -- ectoBiologist [EB] is inviting you to video chat! --

TG: right how could i even begin to think such a thing

TG: am i supposed to accept this

EB: you won't be able to see me right away!

TG: i feel like this is going to be a trick

EB: i have to make sure you're paying attention.

EB: it is a trick!

TG: but whatever i clicked the thing

EB: a magic trick!

TG: yeah i got that

EB: okay can you year me?

TG: yep

TG: magic away

EB: i mean hear haha whoops.

EB: okay now i'm kind of nervous.

TG: dont mess up

TG: thats the only thing

EB: wait ok before i show you.

TG: what

EB: um.

EB: i feel as though i should ask.

TG: um what

TG: why are you so nervous

EB: because this could get awkward really fast.

TG: ...

TG: fine

TG: ask away

EB: wanna see me make a vibrator disappear?

TG: is this some sort of weird porno scheme youre trying to copy

EB: not really!

TG: because i thought that this was a legit magic trick here

TG: like

TG: im going to release doves from my pants and turn them into sprinkles

TG: and that kind of shit

EB: sorry.

TG: but whatever

EB: um.

EB: it was just easier than telling you stuff.

TG: like what stuff

EB: like stuff stuff okay!

TG: you just ousted yourself so you should probably spill right

EB: the stuffiest stuff you've ever heard.

EB: yeah i guess.

TG: that sounds like turkey

EB: i like you a lot.

TG: that sounds like a confession

EB: looks like one too.

TG: see that was a whole shit load better than the disappearing vibrator

EB: we should get terezi in here, see if it tastes like one.

TG: i mean while its a cool trick its a little risque

TG: wait what john dont be stupid

EB: i was kidding!

EB: anyways yeah.

EB: so.

TG: is this the part where i confess my feelings too or what because that shit can get awkward

EB: -- ectoBiologist [EB] ended the video chat! --

EB: wait, really?

TG: well yeah

TG: i wouldnt have typed that shit up in a vague way if i didnt mean it

TG: wow that sounds stupid

EB: yeah, yeah, coooooolkid strider is way too ironic to actually say something even if his good buddy john is shitting himself on the other line!

TG: but yeah i actually mean it

TG: stop shitting yourself man thats nast

EB: not actually defecating, loser.

EB: i've kind of been pining over you since the game, to be honest.

EB: i missed you a lot.

TG: well

EB: nightmares kind of turned into dave strider nighttime cameos.

TG: i missed you too

TG: what do you mean cameos

TG: is that a better thing that nightmares or what

EB: wow do i really need to explain this to you?

TG: no wait

TG: i think i get it

EB: nighttime emissions.

EB: you're the star dave.

TG: never mind yeah thanks

EB: it is you.

EB: yeah no problem.

TG: i guess youre the sun then moron

TG: if im the star

EB: suns are stars, lamer.

TG: but both of them are the same thing its just a matter of relativity

TG: well fuck i just lamed that up

TG: but whatever

TG: no wait i can salvage that

EB: can you?

EB: i'm waiting dave.

EB: yer doin this.

TG: i cant without it getting all sappy

TG: it sounds gross as my fingers attempt to type it

EB: yer makin this hapen.

EB: i like sap.

EB: get sticky!

EB: do i have to snap my fingers?

TG: no

TG: just no

EB: think about it this way:

TG: i like you more

EB: would you rather be the loser that lamed up a situation, or the sappy dude who raised it from perdition?

TG: like the sun is closer than the star

TG: youre melting my heart man

TG: youre doing it

TG: its all your fault that this vascular pump is all puddled on the floor right now

EB: wow, you're right. that was totally sappy.

TG: its you

TG: i fucking told you

EB: if it makes you feel any better, i might not survive this attack of butterflies.

EB: they're chewing on my stomach lining.

EB: flesh eating carnivorous butterflies.

TG: take a tums

EB: i don't think that's going to help.

EB: stomach acid is a little different than love sickness.

EB: just sayin'.

TG: i know what you mean

EB: i hope you can salvage your liquefied heart, bro.

EB: because i kind of want it.

TG: youll have to put it back together for me

EB: piece by piece.

EB: i promise.

EB: pull out a little emergency cardiovascular massage.

TG: egbert thats not helping

EB: get that fucker beating again.

TG: youre melting the cool kid at the moment

EB: take a photo!

EB: wow i'm marking this day on my calendar.

EB: i'll get a plaque to remember it.

EB: shine it up every day.

TG: no photo for you

EB: wow thanks a lot jerk.

TG: its embarrassing

TG: i dont want that sort of permanence for this

EB: you're cute.

EB: i was just about to sodomize myself on webcam.

TG: uh

TG: yeah i noticed that

EB: i don't think there's anything much more embarrassing than that.

EB: so take a gd photo.

TG: no

EB: please?

TG: ...

EB: i promise i won't show it to anyone.

EB: something to cherish before college starts and we get to hang out every day.

EB: please?

TG: -- turntechGodhead [TG] sent the photo "fineyouasshole.png" --

EB: oh wow.

EB: christ on a cracker, you look fucking gorgeous.

TG: alright yeah thanks now stop

EB: you're actually blushing.

EB: you are so cute, dave!

TG: no im not its a trick of the light

EB: not stopping.

EB: never stopping.

TG: dont you know that my room has a shit ton of red in it

EB: it is not you liar!

TG: its reflecting all over the place and it gets all in the cameras shit

EB: you're straight up blushing and you're fucking beautiful.

EB: stop being a dick.

TG: sorry cant thats not on the agenda for today

TG: me being a dick is like the fact that the earth spins a little crooked

EB: yeah, i don't know what i was thinking making such an asinine request.

EB: in fact, you being a dick directs the earth's diagonal axis.

TG: completely inane of you to even consider it

EB: without you the seasons with fail completely.

EB: you're doing the world a favor by being a dick.

EB: you are the best samaritan, dave.

EB: it is you.

EB: you just give up so much for the world's continued seasons and general biospheric health.

EB: i'm so proud.

TG: i know

TG: thanks for noticing

EB: wow you know what?

EB: this calls for a...

EB: drumroll please!

TG: oh geez

EB: <3

TG: can you hear the drums rolling

EB: right down the street. it's causing quite the racket.

TG: theyre falling off the cliffs and into a dark abyss of cheesy cornballness

EB: you love it.

EB: <3

TG: that gathered because you decided to drop in

TG: fuck

EB: such a beautiful gathering, all because of me?

EB: i'm honored!

EB: <3

EB: <3

EB: <3

EB: <3

EB: <3

TG: its all for you john

EB: i can less than three all day, dave.

TG: youre the star man

EB: all of it?

EB: promise?

EB: i thought i was the sun?

TG: yes i fucking promise

EB: demoted so quickly?

TG: the sun is a star

TG: as you so nicely pointed out

EB: am i your star?

TG: you are my sun that i orbit around

TG: its you

EB: jesus christ.

EB: i really really want to crawl through the monitor and kiss you.

TG: my orbital pattern is directly affected by everything you do and say

EB: everything?

TG: to be honest that might be a little freaky if you crawled through the monitor

EB: wow i can be a pretty big douche sometimes. i hope not EVERYTHING.

EB: haha a little samara action.

TG: isnt there a movie where a chick crawls through a screen or something

EB: SEVEN DAYS STRIDER.

TG: wow see

EB: SEEEEVVVEEEENNN DAAAAAYYYYYYSSS.

TG: now im affected by that shit

TG: welp im a gonner

EB: no! that would suck!

EB: i'll protect you.

EB: throw that bitch back down her well.

TG: see what you do

TG: orbital pattern is all out of whack now

TG: no not really

TG: theres already predetermined bumps and fucking valleys for when you behave like a douche

TG: which can be often

TG: but ive got that shit covered

TG: like a wall

TG: and im the wallpaper

EB: that's a damn attractive wall, then.

TG: some shitty wallpaper thats like some old time teddy bears and beach towels

TG: the shittiest wallpaper

EB: nope.

TG: that is ironically the best wallpaper

EB: the most beautiful, plush wallpaper in all time.

TG: the kind that you never want to take down

EB: it has to have sailboats.

TG: and you cherish those fucking bears and their stupid little sailboats

EB: with big red sails.

TG: alright i dont even care since you get my point by now

EB: i promise i won't ever take your shitty gorgeous wallpaper self down, ok?

EB: i'll even draw the freckles in.

EB: map them across the wainscoting.

TG: uh

TG: you could not do that and that would still be awesome

EB: nope!

EB: gotta have freckles!

EB: i love your freckles.

TG: really

EB: they're sexy.

EB: i want to kiss each and every one of them. individually.

TG: do you realize that sometimes i just take my hands off the keyboard to stop myself from smashing on it

TG: this is your fault egbert

EB: i hope not in anger.

EB: that would be upsetting.

TG: no not really its just to stop myself from typing stupid things

EB: i'm glad that i can make you lose your cool either way! someone has to!

EB: don't stop yourself.

EB: i want to hear them.

EB: or read them or whatever.

TG: and then sometimes i just cant think of anything

TG: you make my mind blank out

TG: like

TG: holy shit did he just type that i cant believe it

TG: and then i just sit there and stare until i realize youre still smearing blue text all over my screen

EB: you have to temper me with a little cool red! hehehe.

EB: or hot red?

EB: you're pretty fucking hot. s

EB: so that would work.

EB: wow here i go, prematurely hitting the enter button.

TG: wow id better bring the heat then

EB: probably better.

TG: cant have you cooling things down too much

TG: like a hurricane in here man calm down that wind youre blowing me away

EB: hehehe! not my fault that the windy thing can't be controlled!

EB: you can't tame it, dave!

EB: it's a wild animal on the loose!

TG: i guess its time to try

TG: never mind that was horrible

TG: this is your fault egbert

TG: youve completely rocked me off my game here

EB: think that you can

EB: taaaaaaame

EB: the wild beast?

EB: hehehe.

EB: i like you off your game.

TG: give me a challenge and ill conquer that fucker

EB: you get flustered and it's so sweet.

EB: yeah?

EB: then tame me.

EB: i dare you to try.

TG: bring it wind boy

EB: i'll blow your shit right out of the water!

TG: time moves on its own schedule

EB: tick tock dave!

TG: can you hear the arms of the clock stopping

TG: theyre trying to shove time forward but its like fuck you

TG: and digging its heels in for this moment right here

EB: a special little place.

EB: just for me and you.

TG: exactly

EB: where time ceases and the wind goes still.

EB: somewhere we can go and live lifetimes and be gods.

EB: together.

EB: haha that would be pretty sweet.

TG: yeah

TG: thats like the epitome of what i want

EB: we can build a new world.

EB: that would be kind of fucking perfect.

EB: i miss you a lot.

TG: im tired of building new worlds and shit

TG: that includes dying so many times i cant keep track

TG: i just want to sort of just stay somewhere with you

TG: and tell everyone else to fuck off because youre mine and shit

TG: i miss you too

EB: yeah.

EB: that would be kind of wonderful.

EB: i'm really, really yours.

TG: if you were here that would make things a shit ton better

EB: i'll be there soon!

EB: mid-august remember?

EB: so like, six weeks.

TG: thats a long time

TG: i know that because i keep track

EB: and we can carve out a little hollow where i can curl around you and just be.

TG: second by second and fucking minute by minute

TG: we can make a pile of pillows like the trolls used to do

TG: those are actually ridiculously awesome

EB: that sounds comfy.

EB: i never got to do that!

EB: me and jade just played ghostbusters.

TG: we just have to make up for lost time i guess

EB: it'll just be straight up pillows.

TG: theres a lot of that

EB: with corners filled with apple juice and empty pizza boxes.

TG: that would be gross and at the same time

TG: so fucking awesome you dont even know

EB: well when the pizza box towers reached gargantuan heights we'd have to get off our asses and break our mouths apart long enough to throw them out.

EB: but yeah. it would be pretty perfect.

EB: i could change my flight ticket.

EB: come early.

TG: you can do that

TG: wasnt that ticket like sort of expensive

EB: kind of

EB: but it would be worth it.

EB: like, really worth it.

EB: so very worth it, you don't even know.

TG: are you kidding me right now

TG: i know how freaking worth it that would be

EB: you're so cute.

EB: hold on, i'm talking to dad about it right now.

TG: stop calling me cute you moron im trying to be awesome here

EB: cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute.

EB: so guess what, cutie pie?

EB: bet you can't guess.

TG: are you coming here earlier

TG: that would be the best guess

TG: can i be right

TG: and stop calling me that

EB: ding ding ding!

EB: cutie pie wins the grand prize!

TG: im serious

EB: i hope bro doesn't mind.

EB: my flight comes in tomorrow night!

TG: he wonsdalkf

TG: what

TG: john what

TG: how did you even get a flight that early

EB: oh wow!

EB: you keysmashed!

TG: no shut up

EB: dad pulled some strings.

EB: i told him it meant a lot to me.

TG: i can see that holy shit

EB: i kind of think he knows.

TG: well

TG: is that bad

EB: he pulled the whole "i'm proud of you, and i'll love you no matter what."

EB: not at all!

TG: oh

TG: good

TG: because im pretty sure bro knows

TG: well

TG: i know that bro knows

EB: hehe we're pretty transparent!

TG: since hes been sniggering all over the place

EB: since when?

TG: and im pretty sure he just laughed at my reaction a minute ago

TG: for years john

TG: hes been laughing at me for years

EB: haha i think the entire northern hemisphere laughed at your reaction :B

EB: wow that kind of sucks. but at the same time!

TG: john seriously stop your fingers from making you say anything stupider

TG: but at the same time what

EB: years comes down to 12 hours.

EB: twelve, dave.

EB: holy man i am like an excited puppy.

EB: i might pee from all this excitement.

EB: dancing on my little paws.

EB: barking and licking your face.

TG: oh my god control yourself

TG: youll mess up my shades

TG: get them all slobbery

TG: these are premium property right here pup

EB: but then you'll have to take them off!

EB: and i'll be able to see them.

EB: your eyes, that is.

TG: youve seen them before though havent you

TG: is that really necessary

EB: and don't even be like that. you just imagined puppy john and you're probably cooing like a seven year old girl.

EB: it is necessary!

EB: i haven't seen them for years!

EB: and that was in the stupid game!

EB: i just

TG: yes im cooing all over the place here

EB: i like the idea of seeing a part of you that no one else gets to see.

TG: wow look at all that sap all over the place

EB: like having a little piece of prime dave strider all to myself.

TG: youve got some melted heart to clean up here

TG: clean up on isle strider

EB: i'll put it back together.

EB: i promise.

EB: borrow bro's smuppet supplies and sew it back up.

TG: nah

TG: ill just leave it there til you get here

EB: i'll slip a piece of it away, replace it with a piece of mine.

TG: well then you can use that piece and sew up the part you took from your own

TG: gotta share this shit

EB: of course.

EB: keep this vascular pump beating.

TG: yeah man

EB: wow i can't hold all of this sap.

EB: it's leaking through my fingers.

TG: i mean at the moment its pretty cool

EB: we have a sap disaster here.

EB: i need your assistance.

TG: like if it werent overheating

TG: dont worry ill be there

EB: wow don't let your heart overheat!

TG: catch all the stuff you drop since im here

EB: get a cold compress or something!

EB: you'll help me with my terminal clumsiness?

TG: yeah ill steady your fuckups dont worry

EB: there are a lot of them.

EB: are you sure you're ready for this?

EB: this is a huge undertaking.

EB: monumental, even.

TG: ive got enough swag to cover that shit

TG: im your wallpaper man

EB: god i wish i could kiss you.

TG: less than twelve hours until you can

TG: we get to have a reunion moment in the airport

TG: do you realize how fucking cliche that is

TG: sweep me off my feet egbert

EB: i will literally.

EB: i am definitely taller than you now.

EB: and hammer arms are definitely a thing.

EB: i'll sweep you up like i'm the star quarterback and you're the texan prom queen.

TG: you werent supposed to get taller than me

TG: this is something that wasnt supposed to happen

TG: now instead of the puppy image

TG: im getting the one where its a huge slobbering dog

TG: but dont worry youre still adorable

TG: how do you even still have hammer arms

EB: hehehehehehe.

EB: dude i work part time in a bakery!

TG: do you give people a beat down with zillyhoo

TG: beat up the dough with a sledge hammer

EB: do you have any idea how heavy bags of flour are?

TG: yeah whatever

EB: you are definitely lighter than one.

EB: i will tell you that for free.

TG: i am not

TG: what do you mean for free

EB: and yes i definitely still give the odd asshole a zillyhoo beat down.

EB: i mean i just told you without charging.

EB: there are charges to my infinite wisdom.

EB: nothing's free, dude!

TG: wow id better get myself a card then

EB: on second thought, your info can be on the house.

TG: and i still doubt that im lighter than one of those fucking bags of flour

EB: special perks for loved ones.

TG: thanks so much for that special offer

TG: ill be sure to make good on it

EB: ok maybe not lighter.

EB: but barely heavier!

EB: you are like a wisp of a human.

TG: okay really

TG: alright its not my fault that i strife all the time

EB: hehehe i'm just kidding!

EB: i realize we can't all be muscular gods like myself.

EB: you're not that skinny.

EB: you're like sexy model skinny.

EB: the kind that models underwear for american apparel.

TG: im rolling my eyes here since youre not here to see it

EB: and i'm blowing kisses.

TG: im catching them

TG: with my face i guess

TG: since what else am i supposed to catch them with right

EB: well you can be a pretty big doucher, so maybe your ass?

EB: i don't know.

TG: wow sure

TG: kiss my ass man

EB: hopefully you catch a few on your mouth. maybe one on each eyelid, and the bridge of your nose.

TG: wow that just turned so cheesy

EB: that is awfully forward of you.

EB: i am doling out cheese like a dairy product factory.

EB: would you like your cheese aged or mild?

EB: there is a right answer to this question btw.

TG: how is there a right answer to that

EB: because i am a cheese snob.

TG: i love whatever cheese you love

EB: it's something you'll have to learn to love.

TG: lets just take the cop out option here

EB: oh. okay.

EB: fine then.

TG: so fine right now

EB: you'll be in charge of the cheese shopping then.

EB: since you are so intimately acquainted with my cheese tastes.

TG: aw what

TG: fuck that

TG: i hate shopping for food

TG: egbert youre going to go hungry

TG: since i could care less if theres food in the house or not

EB: haha i'm kidding!

TG: i just need apple juice

EB: jeez learn to take a joke!

TG: and im back on my shit man so take the sarcasm

TG: its actually really lame sarcasm but just work with me here

EB: yes i'm quite aware that you subsist off greasy take out and apple juice, dave.

EB: "back on your shit."

EB: dude i am laughing so hard right now.

EB: you are not, you cutie pie.

EB: and you never will be.

EB: not while i'm around.

EB: don't you know that i live to make you lose your cool?

TG: you know what

TG: stop calling me cutie pie that reminds me of maplehoof

TG: fucking pony

EB: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

EB: you're so cutie.

TG: stop making me lose my cool you asshole

EB: cute enough to be a

EB: cutie

TG: thats not even how you say it

EB: pie.

TG: no

TG: john stop

TG: stop it right now you jerk

TG: when you get here

EB: nope!

TG: im going to kiss that ridiculous grin right off your face and make sure it stays off

EB: nothing can keep my grin off!

TG: since i fucking know that its there sitting on your face

EB: especially not kissing.

EB: let me rephrase.

EB: especially not kissing you.

EB: i'll be grinning like nic cage just handed me a bunny rabbit.

TG: its sitting on your face trying to balance on those teeth of yours and im going to mack it off

TG: you stop making obscene references

TG: right this instant

EB: and if i refuse?

EB: cutie pie?

TG: hhhhhhhhhng

EB: hehehehehehe.

TG: revenge will be mine

EB: are you sure?

TG: im a fast fucker

TG: so yes

EB: because i'm more or less certain that i'm just going to kiss the cool out of you.

TG: i am very sure

EB: kiss it right out.

EB: it's going to fall out of your body like "lol bye dave see you never."

TG: you know what youre not even getting a kiss

TG: not at the airport

EB: that's cruel.

EB: don't say that.

TG: im going to play the insufferable prick card

TG: and say it

EB: what if i kamikaze kiss dive you.

TG: dodge

EB: i will pin you down on the airport floor and kiss you.

TG: youre going to have to get faster if you want some strider lips

TG: good luck

EB: right in the middle of everyone.

EB: hold your hands above your head and kiss you stupid.

TG: you know what

EB: right there on the floor.

EB: think of the children strider.

TG: nope

TG: just no

EB: what will they think?

TG: what if i make you walk all the way out

TG: what then

EB: how long will i have to wait?

EB: if you really don't want to kiss me i can wait.

TG: i could make you catch a cab all the way here but im not that much of an asshole

EB: i'll wait forever, really.

TG: stop sapping everything up

EB: i'm just saying!

TG: wow just fuck you

EB: if you don't want to kiss me.

EB: i'll wait.

EB: and stuff.

EB: even though i really fucking want to.

TG: im just waiting for all the sap to stop

TG: because its really hard to get a word in edgewise around this cavity all your sugary sweet is giving me

EB: not now.

EB: not ever.

TG: think of the dental bills

EB: dash the dental bills!

TG: balderdash

TG: think of the health bill

TG: but whatever i guess ill just kiss you when i see you

EB: i'm

TG: as soon as i see you

EB: dave i am so excited.

TG: like my lips all over your face in the coolest fashion possible

TG: we are going into deep freeze here with all this cool

EB: i'd better wear my mittens.

EB: so that i can still touch you with all of the cool you're emitting.

TG: i know right

TG: ill bring you a hat and shit to keep you warm

EB: bundle me up tight so that we can have public sloppy make outs.

EB: in the middle of houston.

EB: wow i hope we don't get shot or something.

TG: whoa what do you even mean

EB: isn't texas like, super homophobic or something?

EB: and us being two dudes macking on one another in public.

EB: i don't know, am i being insensitive to texan gay support?

TG: i dont fucking know

TG: does it really matter anyway though

EB: not really.

TG: since ive got a fucking sword and youve got a hammer

EB: striders are bulletproof.

TG: weve got that shit on lock

EB: smackin' bitches up.

TG: ...

EB: like that one song!

EB: wow sorry for a pop culture reference wow.

EB: wow dave.

EB: wow.

TG: no im just

EB: w o w.

TG: its not that

TG: i made everything awkward just shut up and continue babbling

EB: no!

EB: tell me!

TG: nothing

EB: i can't shut up and continue babbling at the same time, cutie.

TG: seriously just continue babbling then

TG: stop with that name

EB: no, seriously just tell me!

EB: i will stop calling you an adorable cutie pie if you tell me.

TG: whatever i dont care call me whatever

TG: just like

TG: move on

EB: no.

EB: tell me.

TG: john come on just forget it

TG: its like the opposite of a big deal

TG: its minuscule

TG: like a particle of dust i guess

TG: wow what was that

TG: who knows

TG: it was fucking dust

TG: oh really

TG: i guess wed better move the fuck on now

TG: oh sure that sounds great

TG: see

TG: i just settled that

EB: no.

EB: it's clearly a thing.

TG: its a thing i would rather forget

EB: one that you will keep secret to the point of letting me call you a cutie pie.

EB: it's a thing i would like to know.

EB: please tell me.

TG: i just kind of blanked out at the whole

TG: striders are bulletproof thing

TG: its not a big deal

TG: i told you that

TG: and youre still obsessing over this particle of dust

EB: wow that's a stupid thing to blank out on!

TG: you realize i did get shot right

TG: so excuse the fuck out of me for blanking

TG: but yeah

TG: i feel kind of lame

TG: and you should just be on a plane already

TG: i should make a pile of pillows

TG: in preparation for this shit

EB: oh god.

EB: fuck i-

EB: i'm sorry.

EB: i'm really sorry.

TG: i already said its water under the bridge

EB: i'm really fucking sorry oh my god.

EB: i'm an idiot.

TG: john stop it geez

TG: we all agree on that but still just move on right

EB: i'm sorry, jesus fuck.

EB: okay.

TG: wow are you even packed

EB: okay, moving on.

TG: this is really sudden

EB: i'm kind of speed packing.

EB: in between talking to you.

TG: that sounds worrisome

EB: and wanting to stab myself in the face.

TG: dont forget your toothbrush

TG: wait what

EB: because i'm an idiot

TG: dont stab yourself in the face before i get a chance at it you moron

EB: hehehe i'll make sure my face is fresh for you.

EB: dad's going to send a bunch of my stuff down.

EB: i just need to have some clothing and shit packed.

EB: and anything i don't want him to see.

TG: ha ha

EB: so it looks like i'll be bringing a stack of pornos and a vibrator.

TG: yeah i was about to mention that

TG: remember to put that in the suitcase

EB: it's already in.

EB: hiding under some jeans.

TG: so you dont have to take it out when youre in the airport security check in

EB: hhahahahahahahahahaha fuck that would be the most hilarious debacle.

TG: it would

EB: such a good prank.

EB: ok maybe i should do that.

TG: you would be pranking yourself

EB: no way!

TG: yes

EB: i'd be pranking the security personel!

EB: they'd be so uncomfortable!

EB: it would be awesome!

TG: dude

TG: your dad can see you

TG: like up until the security point

TG: in most airports at least

TG: i guess i wont assume

EB: .........

EB: yeah i'll be putting that in my suitcase.

TG: good choice

TG: you know that well have to hide that once you get here though

EB: hey how hot is it in houston?

TG: its fucking hot

TG: thats how hot it is

EB: i'm wondering how many pairs of shorts i should bring.

TG: its been hitting the 90s lately

EB: i generally sleep naked. though i assume that we'll be sleeping in the same bed, so maybe boxers?

EB: gross. that's sticky hot.

EB: that's laying on the floor naked hot.

TG: its not that bad

TG: of course i dont sleep much

TG: i guess that could be because of the heat

EB: i'll just curl up on you and you can deal then!

TG: ill wear my shortest shorts just for you

EB: oh baby.

EB: i hope they're tight, too.

TG: beggers cant be choosers

EB: and i will be begging...

EB: i mean.

TG: dont try to save yourself from that one

TG: you pretty much just fell into it

EB: hehehehe.

EB: it's true though.

TG: sweet

TG: although im not really much of a sadist so youre lucky

EB: praise the heavens!

EB: ok but i should seriously go.

EB: pack and sleep and whatnot.

TG: sleeping is overrated

TG: but i hear you

EB: there's a flight to take tomorrow!

TG: youll get jet lag

EB: i like sleep ok? shush.

EB: i know.

TG: dont shush me

EB: i'll fall asleep on you.

EB: giving you a hickey or something.

EB: straight up zonk out.

TG: i was going to write something sweet but you ruined it

EB: i can shush you whenever i want.

EB: i always ruin your sweet things!

EB: write it anyway?

TG: sleep tight wind bag

EB: please?

TG: really

EB: yes.

TG: if you fall asleep ill just have to carry you home

TG: not that sweet

EB: <3

TG: just better than telling you to shut up again

TG: john stop being a sap honestly

EB: you are the sweetest petunia in the morning.

TG: its rubbing off

EB: it is you.

TG: its the middle of the night what are you even talking about

EB: shush.

TG: your sap is rubbing off on me

EB: good.

EB: you could use a little sap now and again.

TG: alright sleeping beauty

TG: didnt you need to hurry off to beddy bye

EB: wow okay now i feel like im seven.

EB: will you tuck me in strange adult man?

TG: youre making it weird again egbert

TG: go the fuck to sleep and see me tomorrow

EB: no i'm pretty sure you're making it weird.

EB: as in you made it weird when you called it beddy bye, wow.

TG: okay

EB: okay.

TG: your plush matted spring loaded cushion that you sleep on

TG: go to that

EB: okay.

TG: night john

EB: i'm worried that i'll wake up and i'll have dreamt this.

TG: well if you did

TG: you should get up and confess in the morning dumbass

EB: hehehe.

EB: okay.

TG: im sure id be fucking ecstatic to hear that in the morning

EB: well in case this is a dream, i love you.

TG: wow

EB: i'll see you tomorrow.

TG: i love you too

TG: see you

EB: goodnight, cutie pie!

TG: i just hope its not a dream

EB: it's not.

EB: it really can't be.

TG: youve got me freaked out now

EB: i'm sorry.

EB: it's not a dream.

EB: and i love you.

TG: alright ive been up too many hours in a row

TG: i love you too

TG: im going to go to bed too

EB: i love you so much.

EB: go to sleep.

EB: see you tomorrow.

EB: fuck, i love you.

EB: goodnight. sleep tight.

TG: i love you too my god

TG: stop being a sap and sleep

EB: hahaha ok.

TG: good night

EB: night.

TG: sleep tight

EB: dream of me.

TG: dont let the bed bugs bite

TG: i always do dream of blue you know

EB: christ.

TG: shoosh and sleep

EB: stop it.

TG: stop reading my words

EB: i love you.

TG: i know

EB: stop typing them!

TG: now sleep

EB: sleep now.

TG: yes

TG: you go to sleep

EB: night.

EB: <3

TG: <3

**Author's Note:**

> Holler at me on tumblr at deathcrunch@tumblr if you want to pester me
> 
> or if you're this John, because I'd like to give you proper credit


End file.
